feeling better today. baby steps.
today is the two year anniversary of the day tommy and i met. yay! the first time i ever laid eyes on his face, white snake's "here i go again" was playing ( compliments of "songs of erin and oksana" ). and from that moment forward it has been bliss. even seeing skinny puppy (blech!) the next day was strangely exciting! i only went because i couldn't wait to hang out with him again. and he knew it too. but i didn't care.
note: my puppy is the cutest puppy ever. right now he's lying on the couch with his head up resting on the armrest with his little floppy ears back, snoring to his little sweet heart's content! such a sweet lazy pup! i love him. seriously, people - i think i have a crush on my puppy. i find it hard to stop hugging him sometimes. oh if you could just see his little nose and pink flushed "cheeks" you would melt too.
sigh.
so tonight i'm going to tommy's and we're seeing Borat. i am trés excited - heard it got pretty great reviews. that's actually something i don't pay much attention to usually. i'm not bothered by other people's opinnions really... except people i actually like... which is tapering to a dwindling few lately. but movie critics and the like, they are just bullshit people with bullshit jobs. i'd always rather just find out for myself if i will like something.
rant.
maybe tonight i'll burn the new Owen from tom. mostly everything of his sounds the same to me but in a good way. mike kinsella in one of the few artists i can stand that trait from.
well. i'm gonna get back to uploading all my music for the ipod i've had for a whole year and STILL haven't filled.
great
ok bye
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
bound to earth
today has been a pretty weird day.
tiring, long and just all around disappointing.
not everyday can be perfect. not every day can even be good. but i would like a scattered few to not reek of pointlessness.
just before my quarter centaurion birthday i was feeling pretty worthless, irritated, trapped, stagnant and just plain hairy (and i don't mean follicles). i hated approaching a pretty monumentous year feeling like a loser. 25 and showing nothing for myself except a BFA in something i don't even know if i want anymore. something so shallow and superficial it makes my spine crawl. *yeah that's fashion. and though i was feeling better after october 21st (thanks to an awesome party my baby threw for me - first surprise ever!) i am downwardly spiraling again.
right now i'm listening to old mix cds and i'm feeling sad about old times when shit was easy. when i felt worth it all. when i knew what i wanted, how to get it and i did. fuck. where did that time go? how did i lose it?
to those times, i quote a song:
"if you ever change your mind about leaving me behind, baby bring it to me, bring your sweet loving, bring it on home to me."
i'm not ranting about feeling old. dood fuck that. that's not the point. yeah ok, so i'm getting veins. lines under my eyes. all that shit. it's not the years in numbers. 25 or 80. it's what you have for, and in, yourself and it's just not feeling like that much right about now. i've got my family, tommy and my puppy.
and besides everything, i'm a loser.
everything is hard. everyone is stupid. and i'm angry. well, don't i sound like a prize?
i should eat something. maybe that will make me less cranky.
then i'll go take a bubble bath. soak and stare at my toes and other slowly ageing useless bodyparts.
tiring, long and just all around disappointing.
not everyday can be perfect. not every day can even be good. but i would like a scattered few to not reek of pointlessness.
just before my quarter centaurion birthday i was feeling pretty worthless, irritated, trapped, stagnant and just plain hairy (and i don't mean follicles). i hated approaching a pretty monumentous year feeling like a loser. 25 and showing nothing for myself except a BFA in something i don't even know if i want anymore. something so shallow and superficial it makes my spine crawl. *yeah that's fashion. and though i was feeling better after october 21st (thanks to an awesome party my baby threw for me - first surprise ever!) i am downwardly spiraling again.
right now i'm listening to old mix cds and i'm feeling sad about old times when shit was easy. when i felt worth it all. when i knew what i wanted, how to get it and i did. fuck. where did that time go? how did i lose it?
to those times, i quote a song:
"if you ever change your mind about leaving me behind, baby bring it to me, bring your sweet loving, bring it on home to me."
i'm not ranting about feeling old. dood fuck that. that's not the point. yeah ok, so i'm getting veins. lines under my eyes. all that shit. it's not the years in numbers. 25 or 80. it's what you have for, and in, yourself and it's just not feeling like that much right about now. i've got my family, tommy and my puppy.
and besides everything, i'm a loser.
everything is hard. everyone is stupid. and i'm angry. well, don't i sound like a prize?
i should eat something. maybe that will make me less cranky.
then i'll go take a bubble bath. soak and stare at my toes and other slowly ageing useless bodyparts.
Friday, October 13, 2006
name your price
i haven't blogged in a long time. i haven't really been in the mood, i guess.
right around this time, and usually earlier like, end of september, i start posting about my birthday coming up. but this year with the up coming TWO FIVE all i have to say is BOOOOO.
yes, usually i'd be listing what i want to unwrap on the twenty first of october, but unless it's going to be an envelope with a letter in it saying "dear erin, all these years your age has been a lie. you are actually 21. not a 25 year old loser with nothing in life to show for herself. not a 25 year old with a serious lack of ambition. but a young 21 year old with plenty of time before 25 hits. 4 years to make something of yourself. so happy birthday - enjoy 21."
ok so that was a little dramatic. i have plenty to show for myself and my i just don't have the ambition/will to keep my immediate surroundings neat and or organized.
seamus keeps farting. i don't know what that's about.
anyway.
the other night i was sitting to dinner with my family and someone knocked at the door. i answered it and there was a lady soliciting some crappy politician for new brunswick. and you know what the first thing was that she said when she saw me "ohhh, you're not over 18 are you..." HA! so i said "oh, nooo, sorry i'm not." now. i might look younder than 25, but 18? not quite you crazy old bat!
there are a few things upsetting me right now. but i'll only talk about the ones that are not so serious and blog-appropriate.
maybe i'll just mention one - i am growing more and more pissed that my camera is broken. i SO want a new one but that'll take a good bit of saving and self control. when the time comes i think i'll be getting the new digital elph. i don't know too much about cameras - just how to set up a pretty shot. so i will need tommy's input on this purchase.
uhm... i think i hear carl, jasmine and holly upstairs. that means i have to go get some baby lovin.
i guess that's it for today.
right around this time, and usually earlier like, end of september, i start posting about my birthday coming up. but this year with the up coming TWO FIVE all i have to say is BOOOOO.
yes, usually i'd be listing what i want to unwrap on the twenty first of october, but unless it's going to be an envelope with a letter in it saying "dear erin, all these years your age has been a lie. you are actually 21. not a 25 year old loser with nothing in life to show for herself. not a 25 year old with a serious lack of ambition. but a young 21 year old with plenty of time before 25 hits. 4 years to make something of yourself. so happy birthday - enjoy 21."
ok so that was a little dramatic. i have plenty to show for myself and my i just don't have the ambition/will to keep my immediate surroundings neat and or organized.
seamus keeps farting. i don't know what that's about.
anyway.
the other night i was sitting to dinner with my family and someone knocked at the door. i answered it and there was a lady soliciting some crappy politician for new brunswick. and you know what the first thing was that she said when she saw me "ohhh, you're not over 18 are you..." HA! so i said "oh, nooo, sorry i'm not." now. i might look younder than 25, but 18? not quite you crazy old bat!
there are a few things upsetting me right now. but i'll only talk about the ones that are not so serious and blog-appropriate.
maybe i'll just mention one - i am growing more and more pissed that my camera is broken. i SO want a new one but that'll take a good bit of saving and self control. when the time comes i think i'll be getting the new digital elph. i don't know too much about cameras - just how to set up a pretty shot. so i will need tommy's input on this purchase.
uhm... i think i hear carl, jasmine and holly upstairs. that means i have to go get some baby lovin.
i guess that's it for today.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
tubby
right now i'm hungry - but too lazy to get up and look for food.
i am totally drowning. not in the ocean, not in a pool. not even in a bathtub. but in life.
well. i guess you could equate life with a bathtub. it's generally shallow. hard. uncomfortable to lie in. slippery, and therefore treacherous. if you ignore it you'll find it gets grimy making you even less interested in it. bathing in it is, initially, an enjoyable experience - it's warm and refreshing, you can splash around - whee! but then the water goes tipid, not to mention murky from all your filth, until finally, all you want is to get the hell out... you're lethargic from the steam, the sight of your body in that water is less than satisfying and most of all, you don't feel clean at all. in fact, you fee dirtier than you did before you got in.
the only way to feel better is to take a shower.
but you can't cause you've already used up all the hot water filling that tub. which is now filthy. and you have to clean it.
i am totally drowning. not in the ocean, not in a pool. not even in a bathtub. but in life.
well. i guess you could equate life with a bathtub. it's generally shallow. hard. uncomfortable to lie in. slippery, and therefore treacherous. if you ignore it you'll find it gets grimy making you even less interested in it. bathing in it is, initially, an enjoyable experience - it's warm and refreshing, you can splash around - whee! but then the water goes tipid, not to mention murky from all your filth, until finally, all you want is to get the hell out... you're lethargic from the steam, the sight of your body in that water is less than satisfying and most of all, you don't feel clean at all. in fact, you fee dirtier than you did before you got in.
the only way to feel better is to take a shower.
but you can't cause you've already used up all the hot water filling that tub. which is now filthy. and you have to clean it.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
stop your screaming
at this exact moment in time, i feel a real need to strangle someone.
something needs to change in my life, and fast - before i have a melt down.
these conditions are not acceptable.
something needs to change in my life, and fast - before i have a melt down.
these conditions are not acceptable.
loving you...
ever think of someone and it gives you a little shiver?
a good shiver, i mean. T!
so today i've done pretty much nothing so far.
when you need someone who can let you win, you can count me out.
i confirmed my meeting with Jennifer from the florist, and that's pretty much it.
right, i haven't mentioned that in my blog have i?
so there's this florist, the manasquan florist, and the owners are selling.
yours truely is looking into buying. i'm just gonna saunter in there and slap my big wad of cash on the table and say "i'll take it!" hahaha...
right.
but really. i've spoken to one of the owners a couple of times and she's really nice and all so i decided to go down and meet them all, see the shop and so on. who knows if i could really do this. (it's about time i started to think i could do SOMETHING though, right?) so i'm going just to get a general idea of - what? i don't really know. anything and everything. maybe even just an insight to how it would be if i started a florist on my own, instead of trying to buy this one. it's a split desision. pro's and con's on each side. it's just a matter of weighing them out.
my niece is sitting here with me, coloring. somtimes i'm just mesmerized by her. she just sits there, all content, talking about random stuff. and not really TO me, but just out loud. to herself i guess.
geeze i remember when i was little and all i did all day was sit around and color, draw - antything creative where i could make a mess.
i'm still making a mess - i just don't know how creative or productive i'm being in the process.
i've been listening to alot of Whiskeytown lately.
sit around dream away the place i'm from. i used to feel so much, now i just feel dumb. could go out out tonight but i aint sure what for. call a friend or two i don't know anymore.
so what did i do this weekend? hm. saturday i spent the whole day painting my room. and in the end i found that i didn't have enough paint to finish the last wall. one gallon of paint should have been more than enough for my room, but all the walls needed two coats. so now i have three pale lime-y green walls and one yellow one. great! ugh. so. the room is still a mess and i really thought that with these 4 days off i could have gotten it all straightened out. but i was busy yesterday and i'm busy tomorrow and as we can see - today is turning into a big old nothing.
yesterday i went to a show in staten island with carl, jasmine and holly :) baby's first show! it was at this guy phil's house. it was really nice to be outside all day since i'm usually stuck inside. and when the bands were playing jasmine and i took holly for a little walk. it wasn't too loud even when we were at the house cause we were out front and the bands played in the back. and of course everyone just loved holly cause, let's face it - she's too freakin cute! and she was so good the whole time! it's amazing how good that baby is.
so tomorrow is the eels show in NY! i'm excited to go see them. plus tomorrow's a whole tommy day! those are always a good thing. haven't had one in a while.
i'd better go shower and figure out what i'm wearing tonight.
yikes.
next time you hear from me i will either:
a. be the new owner of the manasquan florist
b. be the same dumb-old me. doing nothing.
c. interviewing for some great fashion design jobs in ny.
i'm banking on b.
bye.
a good shiver, i mean. T!
so today i've done pretty much nothing so far.
when you need someone who can let you win, you can count me out.
i confirmed my meeting with Jennifer from the florist, and that's pretty much it.
right, i haven't mentioned that in my blog have i?
so there's this florist, the manasquan florist, and the owners are selling.
yours truely is looking into buying. i'm just gonna saunter in there and slap my big wad of cash on the table and say "i'll take it!" hahaha...
right.
but really. i've spoken to one of the owners a couple of times and she's really nice and all so i decided to go down and meet them all, see the shop and so on. who knows if i could really do this. (it's about time i started to think i could do SOMETHING though, right?) so i'm going just to get a general idea of - what? i don't really know. anything and everything. maybe even just an insight to how it would be if i started a florist on my own, instead of trying to buy this one. it's a split desision. pro's and con's on each side. it's just a matter of weighing them out.
my niece is sitting here with me, coloring. somtimes i'm just mesmerized by her. she just sits there, all content, talking about random stuff. and not really TO me, but just out loud. to herself i guess.
geeze i remember when i was little and all i did all day was sit around and color, draw - antything creative where i could make a mess.
i'm still making a mess - i just don't know how creative or productive i'm being in the process.
i've been listening to alot of Whiskeytown lately.
sit around dream away the place i'm from. i used to feel so much, now i just feel dumb. could go out out tonight but i aint sure what for. call a friend or two i don't know anymore.
so what did i do this weekend? hm. saturday i spent the whole day painting my room. and in the end i found that i didn't have enough paint to finish the last wall. one gallon of paint should have been more than enough for my room, but all the walls needed two coats. so now i have three pale lime-y green walls and one yellow one. great! ugh. so. the room is still a mess and i really thought that with these 4 days off i could have gotten it all straightened out. but i was busy yesterday and i'm busy tomorrow and as we can see - today is turning into a big old nothing.
yesterday i went to a show in staten island with carl, jasmine and holly :) baby's first show! it was at this guy phil's house. it was really nice to be outside all day since i'm usually stuck inside. and when the bands were playing jasmine and i took holly for a little walk. it wasn't too loud even when we were at the house cause we were out front and the bands played in the back. and of course everyone just loved holly cause, let's face it - she's too freakin cute! and she was so good the whole time! it's amazing how good that baby is.
so tomorrow is the eels show in NY! i'm excited to go see them. plus tomorrow's a whole tommy day! those are always a good thing. haven't had one in a while.
i'd better go shower and figure out what i'm wearing tonight.
yikes.
next time you hear from me i will either:
a. be the new owner of the manasquan florist
b. be the same dumb-old me. doing nothing.
c. interviewing for some great fashion design jobs in ny.
i'm banking on b.
bye.
Monday, May 29, 2006
first bug bite of the season
yesterday's post was a lie.
i got 1/4 of the way to doing the things i wanted to do and then - a headache.
so what did i do? i made some coffee to try and ease the pain - caffiene withdrawl is a bitch.
and when that didn't work, i gave in a popped two alieve. damnit. and other than that i just sat around on my couch waiting for it to go away.
carl, jasmine and holly came over for dinner. mmmm i love that baby.
then tommy came over. but did we make cannoli shells? nope. it was WAY too hot for that.
so instead we went to ralph's (mmm jelly ring) and got a movie.
we rented hostel because there wasn't anything else to get. and we figured since it was a quentin tarantino film, it might have a chance at being good, but we were wrong.
quentin, we are severely dissapointed in you.
so far for today i've paid two parking tickets and my car payment. whee.
and i'm signed up for some home renovations goin on. painting and so forth.
then around 4 ryan is coming over and we're taking pup to the park. should be a frisbee-licious :)
but that's so far. ryan has no phone so we just planned to hang at 4. we'll see how it goes.
then i'm off to tommy's around 8.
in the wee hours of this morning i woke with a jolt.
why?
something bit my ass while i was sleeping.
i kid you not. it's very strange - having been bitten on your butt. it's a somewhat violating feeling.
hm.
i'd better get myself moving.
lots to do.
let's hope my head doesn't explode into yet another headache today.
i got 1/4 of the way to doing the things i wanted to do and then - a headache.
so what did i do? i made some coffee to try and ease the pain - caffiene withdrawl is a bitch.
and when that didn't work, i gave in a popped two alieve. damnit. and other than that i just sat around on my couch waiting for it to go away.
carl, jasmine and holly came over for dinner. mmmm i love that baby.
then tommy came over. but did we make cannoli shells? nope. it was WAY too hot for that.
so instead we went to ralph's (mmm jelly ring) and got a movie.
we rented hostel because there wasn't anything else to get. and we figured since it was a quentin tarantino film, it might have a chance at being good, but we were wrong.
quentin, we are severely dissapointed in you.
so far for today i've paid two parking tickets and my car payment. whee.
and i'm signed up for some home renovations goin on. painting and so forth.
then around 4 ryan is coming over and we're taking pup to the park. should be a frisbee-licious :)
but that's so far. ryan has no phone so we just planned to hang at 4. we'll see how it goes.
then i'm off to tommy's around 8.
in the wee hours of this morning i woke with a jolt.
why?
something bit my ass while i was sleeping.
i kid you not. it's very strange - having been bitten on your butt. it's a somewhat violating feeling.
hm.
i'd better get myself moving.
lots to do.
let's hope my head doesn't explode into yet another headache today.
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